Paige's cancer is now detectable in her blood under a microscope. 18% of the cells they saw in her blood were "naughty cells" as we say to Luke. For a number of months previously the cancer could be seen only by taking bone marrow aspirates/biopsies, and the few times they saw cancer in her CSF. Yucky news, but not shocking.
I have been wondering how much Luke understood about all that was going on. I had talked about the possibility of Paige dying a number of months ago with him, but didn't know how much he comprehended about her current status. Tonight when I was snuggling with him, I asked if there was anything he was worried about. "You mean like Paigey?" was his answer. Then he said he had good prayer manners, and proceeded to pray, "Dear Father, please give Paigey a good night...and make her all better...and don't make her die." Ok, I thought. He gets it.
I explained to him that if Paige does die, we'll be really sad, and cry, but that we'll still have fun times too, and laugh, and do things like go to the playground. And I told him that we were still asking God to make her all better.
"...being sure of what we hope for..." My hope is that Paige will live to be 78, and a grandmother. Faith is a scary word to me, so for now I think a lot about hope. And I still have hope.
Today Paige had a few good hours while at the hospital getting chemo. It started when I handed her my lip gloss to play with, and she immediately started making adorable faces and being really talkative. She put lots on, and I kept saying, "Ok Paige, that's enough lip gloss." And she would say "Onnnnneeeeee more." And I just couldn't resist. So her lips got nicely moistened today. Then she wanted to go to the playroom, where she sat at the table and did crafts for quite a long time.
Tonight she is fussy and seems to be hurting some (despite the increased dose in painkillers.) I really hope she's feeling better by tomorrow. We are supposed to go to a condo on Lake Winnipasauke for a few days.
Tonight I was lying next to her on the folded-out futon bed. I opened my eyes, and her face was about 5 centimeters from mine. She started shaking her head side to side, and I asked if she was giving me a nose kiss. Yup. It was quite adorable.
16 comments:
still hoping and praying!
lots of love<3
Post fam
Your all in our thoughts and prayers.
Barbara
Faith is a battle right now. So I'm praying that yours will be right at the level it should be.
This IS a battle, and you are NOT the lone soldier, we're fighting right next to you!
God bless you all and have a Good Sabbath...
Amen, Amen and Amen!
BIIIIIG Hug.
As I read your posting today...I cried...then turned to God's Word for comfort. As I read His word, I was reminded of a very special book I have read and re-read, (and read again today) called, A Path Through Suffering; Discovering The Relationship Between God's Mercy and Our Pain; By Elizabeth Elliot. If you get a chance, get it from the Library. It is jammed pack with His Word and how others before us have walked "A Path Through Suffering." It will be a huge encouragement for each of you!
You see Kerry, as you share just how God is walking beside you, and sometimes even carrying you along this Pathway, it is a powerful witness of His Grace, Mercy, and Love. He is there with you and your family each step of the way!...Thank you for being "real".
I will continue to pray "That the strength and power of Christ, may rest, yes, pitch a tent over and dwell upon your family".
In His Love, Sylvia
Aunt Sylvia, thanks for writing that. I do feel very cared for by God right now, and that makes a huge difference.
Hoping and praying, as always.
-Libby
teared up....god is good. dave
I'm hoping too!
Thank you for the post.
Our sermon yesterday was about the miracle of the widow's oil running out, and our priest encouraged us to bring the biggest need we knew of to the altar rail at Communion and leave it there with Jesus. I left Paige.
Trusting with you.
--DJ
i hope paige feels better im praying for you guys (=
I love the picture of Grandma and paige! And, just as Luke is, I am asking God to make her all better.
Judy Crews
Kerri,
Here's a verse I hang on to for myself and hope it gives you courage too. "I would have despaired unless I believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Ps 27:13..Remembering all of you with love and prayers, Karena
Praying daily for Paige.
Paige you are a beautiful little girl. Will keep you in our prayers.
Vanetta
Hi Kerri, Ben & Luke,
I was just rereading your notes on this blog and it reminded me of our first meeting with Paige! It was the first time Benjamin felt well enough at CHaD to go to the craft table and Paigey had a chair next to Benjamin and he kept saying "she's pretty"... "aww, she's so cute". Paigey was at that point in Benjamins eyes his "friend". Although there were other children & staff there...he was all about Paigey. I knew there would be a connection for always.
Just thought I would share. I can't believe its 46 days since Paigey got her wings, but I do know she watches over us daily.
We love you for sharing your angel with us!
Jennifer & Benjamin
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