Benefit for Paigey!!!!!!!

Hey everybody!!!! Come to this show!!


Come Together Show
April 25th
Merrimack High School
Merrimack, NH
6pm

This show will benefit Kristen's Gift which supports the Children's Oncology Dept. at Children's Hospital at Dartmouth.
We are doing this show in Honor of a Paige. Paige lost her battle to cancer at the age of 2 and 1/2. She was always smiling and dancing. She lived life to the fullest.
All proceeds will be donated in her name.

Please help us. $1565.00 raised so far. We want to raise $3000 or more. Please help us get there.
You may send a donation by making a check out to Kristen's Gift and mailing it to
Success Dance and Performing Arts Center
416J DW Hwy
Merrimack, NH 03054
Attn Sue Richardson
Of course if you are near you may come to the show. We will have food, raffles, silent auction, and lots of fun. Tickets $10 adult $7 students/seniors

Happy Birthday Paige!!!!

Happy Birthday, my beautiful, sweet, amazing daughter! I hope you have a lovely day, with a beautiful princess dress to wear, and lots of pretty jewelry, and pretty things for you hair (which is curly, and not a crew cut!) and lots of kids to play with, and lots of animals to play with and ride on. Luke said the other day that in heaven he wants to ride a crocodile, and have races!

I miss you like crazy, but to think of you is also so sweet and comforting. I don't know how I got the amazing privilege of being your mom, but I sure am thankful! I'm doing ok down here. You and God have made me strong, and with that, I can face anything.

Luke keeps talking about you, and gets certain toys ready, "so that when Paigey comes back, she can play with them." He misses you so much.

Oh little girl, you are such a treasure to me. I can't wait to see you again. Until then, I laugh when I remember funny things you did, and I talk about you all the time. You are strong, and loving, and you always spoke your mind, and I hope I will be more and more like you.

Today we might go to a fun kids' museum, to celebrate your birthday, and maybe buy some pretty balloons. My little Lovey, I send you millions of hugs and kisses, and know that I carry you in my heart always, until I get to be with you again.

Love, your mama

Thursday morning

To Honor You, by Connie Byrd

To honor you, I get up every day and take a breath.
And start another day without you in it.

To honor you, I laugh and love with those who knew your smile
And the way your eyes twinkled with mischief and secret knowledge.

To honor you, I take time to appreciate everyone I love,
I know there is no guarantee of the days or hours spent in their presence.

To honor you, I listen to music you would have liked,
And sing at the top of my lungs, with the windows rolled down.

To honor you, I take chances, say what I feel, hold nothing back,
Risk making a fool of myself, dance every dance.

You were my light, my heart, my gift of love, from the highest source.

So everyday, I vow to make a difference, Share a smile, LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE.

Now I live for us both, so all I do, I do to honor you.

Wednesday

Monday evening thoughts

Yesterday was three months that we have been without Paige. I have felt awkward posting, because this is her blog, and with her gone it seemed bizarre to be sharing things sans Paige. But I want to. So I will.

Things make me tear up more now. I pick strange places to cry, like the florist. I was petting the owner's beautiful, ancient Maine coon cat, that looks so much like Francesca. The cat, normally shy, seemed to really like me and followed me to the checkout counter to be petted. So I chatted with the owners about cats for a few minutes, and then I all of a sudden got really weepy. So I left abruptly. What the heck? But somehow it hurt really badly just then.

And yesterday I was in a six hour meeting and after a couple hours, I kept thinking about Paige, up in heaven, wanting a cuddle with me. So I in my imagination welcomed her, and held her on my lap, and let her cuddle. Jesus is great for snuggling, I'm sure, but no one is quite like a mama. And of course this made me cry. And cry. Finally I left and went out into the hallway, to get a good cry out of my system so I could go back and participate without continuing to cover my shirt with tear-spots.

It's a little disconcerting to be wearing my heart on my sleeve; previously most of my mourning I have done very privately. But it feels good to go with it. I am in grief counseling (they said Luke seems to be doing great, and doesn't need to continue coming! She said I was the one who seemed to really need it.) and I asked if the counselor would give me journaling exercises each week for homework. So I will be working on that later this week. I know that I proccess a lot by writing, so I am looking forward to the reflection and the processing. She said grief will show up how it wants to, and we can't direct it, so I am trying to be flexible.

At the furniture store the other day, the employee asked if Luke was my only child. I said I had a daughter that had died. Luke added on what her name was, and what he called her (Paigey) and how they used to play house together. He was the daddy, and Paige was the mama, and Paige's dolls were the kids, the son and the daughter.

I still have alot of peace inside. In fact, more peace than I have had in years. Without that, this would be so much harder. Please don't stop praying for us. We all could use it.