We're at the hospital now. We came in two nights ago because Paige had a fever. When we finally got here, her fever was gone, but her port was all swollen with blood, and unusable once again. Her blood isn't clotting like it's supposed to, even with the platelets and plasma they keep infusing her with. So the doctor brought in her team and had A Discussion with us about the implications.
Worst case scenario, she could have a head or internal bleed at any time, and be gone today. Or she could get an infection, and since she is so immune-compromised, be gone in a few days. Or neither of those things could happen, and she could last weeks, or, a more remote possibility, months.
So. A few days ago I got mad at God for the first time, and asked him why he needed Paige in heaven. Heaven is already cool enough already, but we down here are the ones who need her. What possibly could benefit from her being there instead of here?
A beautiful answer to my question came yesterday, when I went to the chapel here at the hospital for the Sunday service. I walked in just as the organist was playing the last notes of the closing hymn. So I asked the chaplain what she had talked about, and I had a wonderful and enriching time talking with her, gleaning little bits from her knowledge and insight. She pointed out that Paige came to earth with a purpose from God, and when she has fulfilled her purpose, then it will be her time to go. That made sense to me.
So things to pray about:
- that her body will stop making cancer cells
- that her platelets etc. would clot like they are supposed to
- that her port will be usable
- that she won't have any internal (or any other kind) of bleed
- that God would spare her life, like that guy in the bible who God told was about to die, and then the man asked for more time, and got it (dreadful grammar, I know)
- that if it's Paige's time to die, that her journey would be gentle and peaceful and without pain
- that regardless of whether she lives or dies, her mind, spirit and heart will be peaceful and her psychological/emotional etc. needs will be met
- you can pray for us, her family - but I feel calm, and so very loved by all of our friends and family, and I feel peace that must be coming from God. For these blessings, I am grateful.
23 comments:
Your courage is an inspiration to us all Kerri, yet our hearts are with you and the family... Give Paige our love with extra hugs from Bria who prays for her nightly. I'm so sorry I can't run to the hospital to give her a hug myself but praise God that I will definitely see her again one sweet day!
Love and continued faith, xoxoxox
Christy
Love and prayers.
-Libby
Thanks for the update. Still praying, and I love you guys! I have the family picture of you guys in Disney on my computer wallpaper so I see you every day :)
Praying on this side of the ocean, too!
Still praying! Thank you for being so real with your emotions and sharing them.
Lots of Love
Post fam
Our love and prayers are with you. Kerri, you amaze me and strengthen my faith! May God's love and our love be real to you and Ben! Aunt Helen
I love you, KB - and still have faith! Please let me know if there is anything I can do...
Kerri,
Remember that our God is big enough to hear our anger and loves us just as much when we are done! Our prayers and thoughts surround your family as you go through this experience that most of us can't even imagine. Love and hugs!!!
Cyndi
Words cannot express the feelings I have for Paige and her family. All of your strength as a family together humbles me. I pray for you.
I'm praying too, dear Hansen family.
Kerri,
Thank you so much for that update, for your honesty and for your faith. I was just thinking a couple minutes ago how faith is the gift of God and it encourages me to know that God's gift is flowing your way.
I was blessed to, by the chaplain's words about Paige. A number of months ago, when I was thinking about Paige and struggling with the concept of death in general, I heard a pastor on Christian radio present a message on how to die well. One of his points was that each life is a completed plan. Maybe not what WE would think of as completed, but death is never precipitous as far as God is concerned. Sounds like the same sort of truth and comfort that God sent your way last weekend. I'm so thankful for that. Know that you are in our prayers daily and that we are continuing to ask God for healing for Paige and also for His peace and strenth for you, Ben and Luke. We love you!
~ Ruth
Hope and prayers being sent your way from us...and trusting that your days and nights will be filled with peace.
Wendy (Randy & Everlea)
We know that with God all things are possible. I heard the preacher say last week that God is ready to take us back to the old landmark. The time when he was raising the dead, healing the lame, dumb and blind. Miracles, miracles, and more miracles. We are believing God for Paige. Should he choose to take her we must remember it's not because he couldn't heal her it's because he has need of her. God Bless the Family
You are each in our hearts and thoughts, and prayers, Ben, Kerri, Luke and Paige. Love, Blake & Carol, Micah, Lauren & Carley
Here in Nova Scotia, Phil and I are loving and praying for Paige & your dear family. So sad to think of my sweet 6th grade scholar Kerri and our other-son Ben facing such challenges in life. Reminded me tonite of this chorus:
"Some thru the waters,
Some thru the flood,
Some thru the fire,
But all thru the blood;
Some thru great sorrow,
but God gives a song,
In the night season
and all the day long."
Thanks for sharing your songs and struggles and faith thru this night season.
We love you dearly,
Bev and Phil
I just prayed for you guys again--specifically for the posted requests. I loved seeing you guys a couple of weeks ago, even from a distance. --Kendra
Kerri, thanks for this page, I hadn't been able to access it regularly, I've (as well as everyone with us in Iraq) have been praying for Paige and you guys. Thinking of you, hope to see you guys soon-
Nate (McManus)
We just prayed through the list together as a family.
True words ... harsh words... comforting words. Thank you for sharing them Kerri. Our prayers will not cease. And... thank you Grandma for the photo's!!! Rest assured that I will TREASURE them forever.
Nurse "Elmo"
Brian & I have been following your blog for a while and pray for you every day. I've also sent this out on our prayer line at church so please know that alot of people are thinking of you. If there is another 'work day' at your house, please let us know!
The Mazurs
Kerri,
I just read through your entire blog and I want you to know what an encouragement you guys are. I've been putting requests for your little one and you guys in the weekly for my Church which reaches around 300 people.
I hope you have comfort in the fact that- though you don't know for sure Gods plan for Paige's precious life, He does. I pray that your dream for her to be a 78 year old grandmother becomes a reality.
I have only met Paige once, but I want you to know that nobody could doubt for a second the love that child gets. That is an amazing gift for a child to get from their family.
I can knowingly say for all of the CT branch of the Maxwell family we love you and you are in our prayers.
~Meghan
I just read a bit on here and I want you to know that we love you and have been praying for you all. There is so much going on in your hearts and minds and I cant even imagine it. I just know that as simple and unhlelpful as this sounds, God does know what he is doing and it is and will be what is right and best. I can't see that in my life lots of times but I do trust him even when I most feel like giving up. I hold all of you in my heart and in my prayers every day.
Love Aunt Heather
Just wanted you to know that people you do not even know have been lifting up tearful and heartfelt prayers on behalf of Paige and your whole family. Lots of love "in Christ" from the body of Christ...
~Jen Boisvert and family (friends of Wendy and Randy S.)
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