luke

Monday the 10th was the one year mark of losing Paige. A few days before, I was talking to Luke, and explained that on Monday it would be one year since Paige had died. I expected him to say something serious or sad; sometimes when we talk about Paige, he gets teary and says, "I'm starting to cry."

This time, to my surprise he said, (with enthusiasm) "She must have had the funnest year ever!" It made me smile.

My adorable baby

A chance to help

A family that lives near us had a tragedy earlier this year. Their third grade daughter was killed in an accident at home. Through their grief the parents created an amazing foundation that helps other parents going through the death/illness of a child. Check them out, the site is jaidensangel.org

They have all my respect, and I hope I can meet their family some day. I know that we would have fallen apart if it hadn't been for the amazing support of our family and friends during Paige's illness, and then after her death. They did so much for us. Jaidens Angel provides that kind of support to families who perhaps don't have the strong network that our family had.

We're doing ok. I think that Luke and I should re-enroll in grief counseling. Time is passing, but not the grief. It seems like I'll have to wait so long to see Paige again. I feel silly, telling the same stories, recalling the same memories, but they're all I have. I don't know what's she's like today, how perhaps she has grown and changed.

I can't wait to see her again.

An August afternoon

Friday afternoon

Ben and I are going to make a container for Paigey's "dust" (as Luke calls it) at the Sharon Art Center, where they have generously donated clay and studio time. We are going to make the vessel on the potters wheel, and then glaze it ourselves, probably with lots of pink and purple. As of now, we are planning to have her buried in Dublin, in a small cemetery, but Luke is adamant that he wants to make her a rainbow colored box for some of her dust, and keep it in his room. So I think we will involve him in some of the process, and he can make a container too.

I was thinking today, after our conversation about dust, about how when it's my turn to die, (which won't be till I'm 90 I hope!) I will be so much less afraid, knowing that at the end of the unknown and mysterious journey, I get to see Paige! A bizarre thing to be thankful for, that Paige is in heaven to greet me and make death easier (for me and a lot of us who love her, I think!) but that's how I see it. She is such a warm sweet memory to me, like wearing a pink cozy fuzzy backpack in front of me over my heart, like a baby carrier.

I dream about her frequently, which I love.

So I will now wrap up my very random post. Thank you to everyone who still reads this.